Saturday, December 11, 2010
My Cat, All Cats
I am cat.
I am your cat, and I am all cats.
I am the cat of all cats, which have or ever will be.
I am the cat of the present, the cat of the past,
the cat of all future time.
I am the cat, that is now.
Though I am here now I am not here for you,
I am here not for your neighbor, nor your neighbor’s neighbor,
not for you, nor for any other.
I am here for me and for me alone.
I am for me and I am here now, not later, but now.
Pay attention to me, now.
I lie before my Feeder,
as I do before all such Feeders of me, all of them alike.
I present myself to you for your admiration of me and me alone.
I lie before my Feeder in luxuriant repose,
long, so long,
sleek, so sleek,
lithe, so lithe,
glossy, so glossy,
cute, so cute.
But do not touch, oh no, do not touch.
I am for me and for me alone.
But let me tell you of my tail.
What tale you may ask and I answer you this:
What other tail but my own?
What other tail might there be but this one,
that is mine, this one here,
here, just beside me here?
But is behind me, behind me, behind me, behind me.
And is still behind me and always will be behind me,
despite how rapidly, and what increasing speed I should spin.
The tail that is mine, that tail.
My tail, mine and mine alone,
and you too may enjoy it,
but do not touch it, oh no,
as I am in repose with my tail,
this tail, that is mine.
But enough of that fuss there is more to tell.
Yes much more, more than can be told,
in one day, one week, one month,
one year of lifetime of a cat.
That is why we have nine lives,
and not two or three or five but nine lives,
and not less than that number of lives
that are required to accomplish all of these naps.
And of naps there are many indeed.
Naps enough but not enough,
naps that are quick and naps that are long,
naps that are light and naps that are deep,
naps that are have colors that you do not know,
naps that have tones and feeling,
of which you know nothing but I do.
Naps that are both full or empty with dreams.
And I will tell you of them,
I will tell you of them someday, sometime but not now,
Not now, sometime, soon, very soon, but not now.
For now I must sleep.
I must sleep the sleep that only cats sleep,
and truly, they alone know how to sleep.
To sleep and so to sleep.
And sleep I do, and do it well-better,
much better than any other in the animal kingdom.
While I am first and foremost Cat,
I am and say this with pride,
I am second most but very close to the first,
I am the sleeper of sleeps,
the deep sleeper,
the light sleeper,
the curled sleeper,
the sleeper on the back with little feet pointing so perfectly into the air,
the sleeper with one eye open or both open or both closed,
but ears open, always open.
And so I sleep, and so what?
What if I should sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep?
I do this for your sake.
It is for you that I sleep
I take this great responsibility upon myself.
I do this for you and not for me.
But soon I will rise.
For rise I must as I am hungry,
and take upon myself a great and sacred responsibility,
great and serious and full with danger.
I assume a grievous and serious responsibility,
applying myself a task that while it may repel you,
a task for which you should shower me with endless thanks and treats of many kind:
That of your spider-eater.
But not now,
I am sleeping.
But rise I must and rise I will,
as the day is already done and it is full with night.
I rise and stretch,
bone weary from my nap,
to stretch, to prepare,
to yawn, to electrify myself,
and bring eyes, ears, nose, throat,
bones, joints, muscles, my very teeth,
sparklingly alive for the hunt for spider.
What spider do I hear you ask timorously?
No, not what spider,
not one spider but in truth as truth must out,
Those many spiders.
Yes, those spiders, plural.
The ones that hide in your bath,
the ones beneath your bed,
the ones in your closet hiding in you blouses,
the ones recessed within your pantry,
and the little ones inside your shoe,
that I have put there for safe keeping.
I know these things,
for nature has designed my every fiber,
For the hunt of the multi-legged beast.
My very substance vibrates in the presence of the spider,
As the beast’s web vibrates when a fat green fly lands in its nest.
A fat, round, full, fly,
loud with fly thrashing, buzzing and struggle,
full with soft, sweet, juicy innards,
rich, creamy, aromatic,
fly taste as only I know.
For third after spider-eater,
I am fly-eater.
And so, here you see me before you,
licking my chops,
looking at you and no other,
you, and you alone,
still hungry but duty done as truly as duty can be done.
And so why is it, I ask you, that you look?
Do you not know,
do you not understand your use?
Is it not perfectly apparent what is expected of you?
Here, now, your task that cries with immediacy?
Perform your task or I will become a pest.
Do it now before I become truly annoyed with you,
and turn to making many loud and obnoxious noises.
Noises, high like an infant’s cry.
But worse, noises designed to annoy you as no other noise can,
Noises, nasally and constant,
from all directions as no infant can make them.
From behind you, now in front, now to the left,
now the right, now below you, above you, from near, from far.
A noise seemingly inside your head.
All the while I pace before you,
Stepping on you,
rubbing against you,
as if you were some magic lamp,
able to produce a prodigious fount of kibble here and now.
Yes, now it is your time,
your time to prove your worth as Feeder.
As you are the Feeder and that is your purpose,
that and that alone,
It is your time to feed me!
Feed me, feed me, feed me,
mee, meeee, meeeeeeeeeeeeee!
And feed me well, as well you should.
Fill my bowel, not part way in some small, mean,
cheap way but up-and-up fill it,
toward the edge,
To the very brim, full and then beyond.
Spill the kibble, more and more and more onto the floor.
And filling the floor, into the living room where filling that full too,
out the door and onto the sidewalk.
Produce a cornucopia of kibble.
Empty it here, now tonight onto the street,
and stand and watch, watch I say.
just watch as they will come,
from near, from far,
from the homes, and the alleys,
from the next street and then beyond,
from the nearest towns, and villages will they,
the cats come.
Alone, and together,
In pairs and litters, by packs, by droves,
They will be here soon, tonight soon, I swear it soon,
Very, very soon, not this instant but soon.
Not just now, but soon, very soon.
But not right now.
They are sleeping.